I am deeply sorry about my long hiatus. As some people might know, i'd just experiencing a down turn in my life which is my miscarriage it has been like what, 3 weeks kot. Alhamdulillah, and insyaAllah I redha with what happen to me. Mungkin belum rezeki lagi dari Dia or mungkin lebih baik menanti untuk we all later, insyaAllah.
It started bila I experiencing brownish spots on Monday, 12th February hari tu. I though that its a normal thing for a mommy to be. But I cepat-cepat ke clinic seek for doc advise. Tapi since my doc's clinic closed , I jumpa doc lain and dia check and her advise is wait and see la. Ukur kandungan macam baru 6weeks plus. But according to my doc, already 10 weeks sepatutnya. So the day after tomorrow, I double confirm with my doc at her clinic and she insisted me to seek for specialist advise. Sebab thrpugh scan dia tak boleh nampak clear.
So on Wednesday I went to KMC untuk check up. Masa tu already bleeding yang quite heavy la and im thinking that something wrong. Tapi still nak fikir positive. Check from bawah and doc tunjuk clear gambar my baby (taleh tunjuk scan tu sebab doc tak bagi copy :( ). And that doc ade ckp utk bagi another week nak check balik. Doc pon confirm 6weeks but no echo heartbeat. I dah sedih jugak masa tu. Doc ade explain that since tengah bleeding so dia ada suspect threathened abortion or miss miscarriage. But lets give another week. And doc ada pesan jugak yang kalau ada keluar ketulan yang besar, teruk datang ke hospital which led to the next day event.
Khamis tu, I miscarriage masa malam tu. Sedih tak perlu nak digambarkan. Semua orang yang pernah rasa akan faham. For a few days I menangis teringat-ingat but I yakin bukan rezeki kami lagi and redha with His Qada' and Qadar. I've been given MCs for a week sebab tak perlu cuci. Almost semua dah keluar. So just makan ubat nak habiskan darah dalam perut.
Maybe due to stress and macam-macam lagi la. I actually ada rasa stress bila I buat check up doc and she mentioned that I might have Blighted Ovum (kehamilan kosong). Sebab according to calculation I sepatutnya dah 10weeks but from the size baru nampak 6 weeks. So masa mula-mula dengar (masa that doc cakap i am on my 8th week) that term I dah quite psycho dah. Sedih tak perlu cerita la. And stress pon ade juga la. Doc siap cakap check specialist and see whether kena cuci or not. I was like "eh macam dah takde harapan je". Hmmm My friend ada cakap kat I that i dont need to think too much just believe in mother's instinct. But yang paling sedih I duk fikir-fikir lagi apa yang doc tu cakap. Tapi takpe la. Whatever it is, rezeki belum ade lg.
So my advise for kawan-kawan out there yang through their 1st trimester, jaga sangat-sangat kesihatan anda and trust your instinct!! :)